finding grace
Training doesn’t go in a straight line, and this Chicago build has reminded me of that constantly. Some days feel effortless, strong, even exciting. Other days throw unexpected challenges your way. I’m learning to accept that it’s not about flawless workouts or perfect weeks. It’s about showing up, doing the work, and trusting that all the imperfect moments still count. That mindset has been especially important this build. It’s my first marathon, there are so many unknowns, my OCD pops up, and I’ve even had shingles reminding me that my body and mind don’t always follow a plan.
On paper, this has been the best training I’ve ever done. Higher mileage than ever before, some of my strongest workouts, and longest long runs. I can feel myself getting fitter week by week. But fitness doesn’t erase the messy parts. If anything, it sometimes makes them louder.
A lot of that mess comes from OCD. I’ve dealt with it for years. It’s not new, but I notice it flares up when there’s fear of the unknown or when I’m putting pressure on myself to be perfect. Training for my first marathon has both. What if I hit the wall? What if my pace is off and I can’t fix it? What if I cramp or my legs fail? What if I wear the wrong shoes or eat the wrong breakfast? What if I don’t finish the way I want to? Those thoughts float in the background, and that’s when OCD finds its opening.
There’s one loop we run often, and for a few weeks now, the same thought has popped into my head at the same mile marker: this is where you’re going to feel bad. I’m usually not even struggling yet when it shows up, but my heart rate jumps, my breathing gets off, and my rhythm disappears. Last week, I let it win. I lost focus, and by the end I was frustrated with myself. That’s OCD—persistent, irrational, inconvenient. The good part is that afterward I could see it for what it was. Recognizing the thought as just that, not a reflection of my fitness, is progress. Some days I handle it better than others.
Then there’s shingles. For weeks, I had a rash on my foot that wouldn’t heal. Turns out it wasn’t from shoes or heat. It was shingles. At 26. Not exactly something you plan for during a marathon build. Looking back, it explains why I’ve felt overheated on runs, sweating more than usual, and generally off some days. It’s frustrating, uncomfortable, and a little scary, but it’s also a reminder that you can do everything “right” and still have unexpected things pop up.
There have also been highs, lots of them. Last Tuesday might have been my best workout of the build. The Saturday before, I nailed my longest long run and felt strong running sub 6 min/miles the whole way. Even the week I felt sick, I bounced back and got solid work in. Some runs leave me excited, others test me. That seems to be the rhythm of marathon training.
If there’s one theme for me right now, it’s grace. Grace to accept the ups and downs. Grace to move forward after letting an OCD thought trip me up. Grace to not panic over shingles or whatever else comes up. And grace in the face of uncertainty. I can’t control every twist or outcome, but I can keep showing up. Training isn’t about every single run being perfect. It’s about stacking the work, trusting the process, and carrying it forward into race day however it unfolds.
When I look back at this build, I don’t want to only remember the smooth weeks or the shiny workouts. I want to remember the full picture: the good days, the small battles with my mind, the shingles detour (do not recommend), the unknowns I had to walk through, the messy patches, and the breakthroughs. That’s what marathon training really is, the whole ride, not just the easy parts.
Up next… US 20K Road Championships on September 1. It’s not about chasing perfection there. It’s about checking in, settling into a racing rhythm, and practicing the mental skills I’ve been working on. One more step toward Chicago, showing up, learning, and continuing to put in the deposits (as Dustin likes to remind me ;) ).
